4 Pillars of Trustworthy Leadership

During my first formal leadership role, I was failing—badly. I operated with a command-and-control mindset. I didn’t listen. I felt the need to be right about everything. I had no tolerance for mistakes—except my own. Worst of all, my team couldn’t stand me.

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One day, a friend pulled me aside and said, “DJ, if you don’t change your approach immediately, you’re not going to make it.” I knew he was right—but I had no idea how to change or even where to start.

Thankfully, I was willing to listen. He offered some simple but powerful advice: if I would let my guard down, open up, and truly listen to my team, I could turn things around. He told me I needed to grow in four key areas:

1

Vulnerability

“Your team needs to know that you’re human—that you’re not perfect and that you do make mistakes. Admit when you’re wrong, make it right, and move forward. They’ll respect you more for it.”

2

Approachability

“Your team has to feel safe coming to you about anything—without fear of backlash or judgment.”

3

Patience

“Give people time to grow. Let them fail, learn, and try again. Teach them, support them, and don’t come down on them just because things didn’t go your way.”

4

Concern

“Show that you care—not just about the work, but about them as people. Ask about their families, their hopes, their challenges. Learn who they are. Listen. Care.”

I didn’t transform overnight, but I took it one step at a time. And he was absolutely right—the more I changed, the more I got out of the way, the more my team leaned in. Collaboration grew. Engagement deepened. Results followed. That experience shaped me as a leader, and I’ve never forgotten the lesson.

Lessons That Ground Me

There’s a lot more that could be said—and I’m sure others have their own hard-won lessons. I’d love to hear them. But these are the four things that continue to ground me when everything else is in motion.